You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
