my mouth tastes like poor choices
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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