i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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