He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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