I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
