is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
