Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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