i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
