bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
