ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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