Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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