I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
