From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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