So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize