drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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