Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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