Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
