Only a mothe r could love this liver
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
