hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
