I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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