i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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