Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
