Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
