Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
