I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You ruined the universe
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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