what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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