Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
