I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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