I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
