Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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