2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
