Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
