No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
