You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
