It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
