Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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