he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
