I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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