I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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