Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
