Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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