You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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