did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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