How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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