her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
