I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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