I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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