omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
