After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
