What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
