I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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