Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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