dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize