The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this boner is exhausting
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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