why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
