Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
