he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
