Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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