you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize