Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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