i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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