Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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