In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
