Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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