he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize