his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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