we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
