i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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